The Slave Girl:

As soon as I am not lazy I will get this story more organized. I plan to upload each installment of The Slave Girl to fictionpress and replace each Chapter with the latest. But I am lazy and decided I will just create a new thred for Chapter 2.

Hopefully I did a better job with this one then I did my last. Though funny story. As I was rereading parts of The Black Cat(mostly to look for Artemis's hair color lol) I forgot I had included Mazrath and Tazryl into the story. Which means after I finish The Slave Girl and The Black Cat I must write another story in the continuing adventures of Artemis! Which is good if you enjoy this.

Now enough of this rambling and let me present to you:

Chapter 2: The City of Therensfield


The streets of Therensfield were busy with life, merchants opting to sell their various goods on stands set up in front of their house. The heat, as Artemis found, was immense. As if a woolen blanket was smothering her. She walked past a few stands, her eyes quickly scanning over the various objects for sale. Most of them were selling fruits, but on one occasion she saw a table full of clay figurines.

But the first thing Artemis noticed as she left the amphitheater was the always present, always dominating view of the mountains. She felt small and insignificant within their presence, and there was no escaping them. They reached higher into the sky then any mountain range she had ever seen.

She stopped in front of a small daycare on her way to the castle. The kids were in a small fenced off area playing games they could only understand. Some were fighting monsters and evil they could only see. Leaning against the wooden fence she observed the children and for the first time since her arrival in Therensfield she felt something other than revulsion.

A small girl, not even older then the Soluri Girl, walked over to their caretaker and tugged on her sleeve. The caretaker bowed down low and the girl whispered something into her ear. The caretaker then looked up and spotted Artemis. Her first instinct was to run, but found her feet cemented to the ground, not budging.

“What business do you have here?” The Caretaker said walking briskly over to Artemis. The caretaker was young, perhaps only just becoming a woman yesterday. Yet she contained within her facial features of a weary old mother, a fierce gleam in her eyes as if nothing would prevent her from protecting her charges.

“I only seek to enjoy the laughter of children.” Artemis shrugged and then pulled her hood down revealing her angular face, brown hair, and most importantly, her pointed ears. The caretaker gasped and then bowed.

“I am sorry. I had not realized you were of the Soluri Guard. We do not get many of your kind passing through our city, but one of the children had said the Soluri Guard was coming. He is the son of one of the Prince’s Aides.” Artemis simply nodded but said nothing. She knew well enough the courteous behavior was not genuine. This region had nothing but contempt for the Soluri Guard. Still at least they had manners Artemis thought. The fierce gleam never left her eyes, and hate obscured what would be beautiful features.
A small boy, who had just finished fighting off an army of monsters he could only see, caught glimpse of the Soluri and stood straight. Faster than an average human could achieve, the boy dropped down low, picked up a rock, and immediately chucked it at Artemis.

“Get out of here you devil!” The boy shouted. She had seen the whole thing from the corner of her eye, a brief devilish smile spread across her face. She unsheathed one of her Sai, a dagger blade with two sharp prongs protruding from the handle, and cut through the small rock before it ever reached her. The two pieces fell to the ground harmless.

“You should teach the children some respect.” Artemis spun on her heels leaving the boy mesmerized at what had happened. The Caretaker blinked for a moment unsure of what had happened.

As she sheathed her Sai she turned her attention to the Castle, surrounded by a stone fence no doubt reinforced by Therensfield’s spellcasters magic.. It was at the center of the city. The city itself was protected by hundred foot walls all around. It would take an immense force to even consider laying siege to Therensfield.

As she reached the castle’s gate something caught her eye. A black cat slinked across her path and then stopped. It turned to face Artemis and meowed. It began to intertwine itself between her legs, rubbing softly against them. Artemis bent down low and scooped the cat into her arms. She reached out with her mind, a trick almost any human could achieve with proper studying of Nature Magic, and was overwhelmed by the black cat’s personality. It was different then most cats she had encountered and it was old, impossibly old for a cat. Yet she, as Artemis quickly found out, looked no more than a few years old. A brief image of the Soluri Girl popped into her head and the cat shivered and then nodded. As if it understood everything Artemis was feeling.
The cat jumped out of Artemis’s arms and ran away. She watched perplexed at the encounter and then for a brief moment she caught a glimpse of the Soluri Girl as she vanished into a store. It was a long time before she tore herself away from the now closed door. Hoping that the girl would reappear, to whisk her away from the living hell she would endure at the hands of that… monster.
Inhaling deeply she called out to one of the guards stationed at the gate. “I am Artemis of the Soluri Guard, I am here on business and seek an audience with the Prince.” The guard looked down at some clipboard.

“Prove it.” The guard shouted down at her. Artemis produced a gold medallion from around her neck with the Soluri Insignia: A Sun with two swords crossed under it. She whispered something in her native tongue and it glowed. The guard surprised by the Medallions proof, clapped his hands to his ears. “Stop it! I believe you!” Artemis chuckled as the large wooden gate slowly creaked open. The medallion produced images and sounds within the questioners mind. Only the owner of the medallion could use it, to prevent people from disguising as Soluri Guard. It proved, whether the questioner understood it or not, that they were dealing with an actual Soluri Guard.
The gate now stood open revealing the full beauty of the Castle. The work to accomplish such a task must have taken generations. Marble statues of varying sizes were spread across a large garden that seemed to surround the Castle. Flowers from across the world seemed to be present there. Some Artemis had known her whole life, and yet some were as mysterious to her. Some seemed to contain intelligent life as they moved and swayed in a wind that was no there.

“How could such beauty be present in a region with such evil?” Artemis whispered as she passed a rose bush in full bloom. The scent caught Artemis off guard and she dropped to her knees and sniffed at them. Images of her childhood floated around her mind. Images of her first love, her father and mother on the Solstice.

“I would step back if I were you,” came an enticing and smooth voice. “Those are not actually Roses. They are memorbulbs. They-“

“Take the shape of which ever flower you love…” Artemis said finishing. She stood up and looked at the man. He was young and wearing purple robes with a golden crown with diamonds and rubies incrusted in it.

“And bring pleasant memories to entice its victims.” The Prince smiled. “Normally you would have found a thick thorn covered tentacle in your gut. But my Nature Mages have assured me they are perfectly harmless. Of course maybe not.” The Prince eyed her with interest. “Your kind’s prowesses are well known within this region.”

“Not without cause.” Artemis said, the Soluri girl’s image flashed in her mind’s eye. “I am Artemis of the Soluri Guard.” She bowed low but kept the eye contact.

“Ah yes, I am sorry I have not introduced myself,” he said, “I am Prince Aldernos of Therensfield, fifth Prince of Lotor. I wish we could continue with these pleasantries but your fellow guardsman are waiting for you inside. Perhaps when time allows we can have a conversation of a more… personal nature?”

“Yes… we should,” She said as if each word pained her.


xXx

So. Whats the verdict. Did I do better or worse?

It couldnt have been that... could it?

This is very good. It actually seems very much like an opening chapter. Slowly introducing you into the world and the characters. The first one kinda confused me but this one is very smooth

Good to hear.

Not sure when chapter 3 will be up.

For the record, this was all my idea. Just in case any publishers want in on your Artemis stories. I deserve part of the money. xD

Anyway, maybe it's just because it's late, and I'm tired, but I just didn't really get into this. It was nicely written, but it just didn't pull me in. To be honest, I have no idea what happened. I blame my short attention span. The last chapter was less detailed, so I preferred it. LOL.

I'll read it again tomorrow, when I'm hopefully able to concentrate. We shall see if my opinion on it improves. O_o

^ By "tomorrow," I meant "a month from now."

Upon reading it again (and actually trying to make sense of it), I love it.

The only problem I have is extremely minor. When you talk about the children's games and how "they could only..." it's like you're saying they can only see and not hear/feel/taste/smell with their imaginations. Putting only in front of what they are doing makes it sound like that's all they're doing. Now if you said "only they could..." it shows that random people walking by couldn't, just the children. See the difference? Just my two cents.

K. I'm gonna read chapter 3 now.

Holy crap someone is actually reading this still?

Hmm when I revise this, if I do anyways, I will take your words into consideration.