Lonely and alone...

Not a good mix.

I haven't really been around, here or anywhere for that matter, for the last week and a half. I keep on telling myself to get back into routine, that it'll help... but I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Last month, on April 19th, my grandma went into the hospital and they had to keep her for a few days, take tests and such. The problem wasn't anything fatal, just ulcers, they sent her home on the 23rd, in the evening. She was so happy and positive in that time, I wished every day could be like that night, because she was never that happy anymore.
My aunt Karen was in town and randomly decided to stay with us for a couple nights, which I thought was weird, because she always stayed with Dianna when she came to town. I stayed up later that night, talking to my aunts Karen and Dianna, and grandma. Dianna went home around midnight and I went to bed.
The next thing I remember, it's 4:30 on the 24th and Dianna comes in to wake me up. She tells me grandma stopped breathing, but her heart rate was at 30, which even though it's not enough to sustain human life, it was still hope... a hope I hung on to. We went to the hospital where the paramedics took grandma, at 5:20, the doctor pulled us into another room and he told us that there was nothing he could do. She passed away at 5:02 that morning.

As you can imagine, my life has been a whirlwind since then. Everyone's been in and out of the house taking care of things. I get to remain living here until it's sold, which could be in six months or it could be six years... depends really. I hope it's later rather than sooner.
My family and I are trying to go through things and clean up to get the house ready to sell. But the daughters (my mom and aunts) are in disagreement on how to handle it as they're getting over materialistic, so nothing's getting taken or thrown away, that's kind of causing us to run out of room and something needs to be done before we can do more, because we only have so much room.

Today has been kind of easy. Karen left this morning to go home for a week, and no one's been here, they decided to take some time off while Karen's gone. I've just been hanging around, half enjoying the peace and quiet. Enjoying being alone, since I haven't been home alone since the day grandma came home. But this is also the first time I've ever actually been on my own. I'm actually on my own and grandma's not just out and going to be home soon... knowing that fact kind of instills a new sense of loneliness that I have never felt before, as long as I remember. I've actually been contemplating adopting a dog, most of today. To help me feel less lonely.

I am so very sorry Melissa. I wish that I could say more. I hope that as things settle down a bit you are able to find some peace.

Damn. I am so sorry to hear this Mel. Don't really know what to say except that If you want to talk or need anything I am here

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry Melissa.

If you ever feel like you need to talk, there's always this forum. Someone will always be around . I'm not as much as I used to be, but I try. Hell, shoot me a message on Facebook if you want to, I practically live on the stupid site. I'm not a psycho, promise

Thanks, guys.

I know I haven't been on here a lot, at all really, since I posted this. Actually, my online presence in general has been lacking.

But it looks like I might be coming back with a bang! Things have been looking up for me, lately! I'll be moving into an apartment with my cousin and his friend in two weeks. I don't have an actual job yet, but I do have a lot of money saved up and inheritance coming in soon (hopefully)... BUT as of today, I'm officially a youtube partner, which basically means I work for youtube and get paid by google. Since I actually have a small fan base, it might actually grow into something awesome! Of course, I don't think I'm gonna actually start until I've settled into the apartment, right now I'm just brainstorming ideas for the future of my channel.

I am glad things are starting to look up for you!

melissa052 wrote:Thanks, guys.

I know I haven't been on here a lot, at all really, since I posted this. Actually, my online presence in general has been lacking.

But it looks like I might be coming back with a bang! Things have been looking up for me, lately! I'll be moving into an apartment with my cousin and his friend in two weeks. I don't have an actual job yet, but I do have a lot of money saved up and inheritance coming in soon (hopefully)... BUT as of today, I'm officially a youtube partner, which basically means I work for youtube and get paid by google. Since I actually have a small fan base, it might actually grow into something awesome! Of course, I don't think I'm gonna actually start until I've settled into the apartment, right now I'm just brainstorming ideas for the future of my channel.

Dude sweet! Congrats. Don't forget to photgraph the apartment in detail. I mean in really really big detail so they don't screw you on the deposit in the future